A monthly reflection of all the things. Let’s dive in!
Here’s another installment of the reflection challenge of what’s going on RIGHT MEOW in my life. It’s September now, so that means all the pumpkin spice and everything nice about fall, right?!
For anyone new here: the point of this is to dive into things you’re currently into. It’s kind of a fun thing to do and document so you can look back (at any increment of time) and see what was going on at that time in your life. This is fun because most people can relate AND if it is interactive, we might even gain a few things to watch or listen to or read because of someone else’s recommendation! Feel free to join in and share your own “Currently” in the comments below! I’d love to see what you’re up to this month!!
Here we go!
Watching:
Jeff and I are late to the party, but we started watching Game of Thrones. It’s happening. Once upon a time, I did try to watch Season 1, many moons ago. But then it got to the part where What’s His Face Stark had to kill that wolf and I had to stop watching. I just couldn’t get down with a show that would kill a sweet little woof. I’m still in an emotional place where I’m more upset by animals dying than humans, but I’m going with it. I usually have a bad case of FOMO when it comes to just about everything, so it makes sense that I’m finally getting around to watching this show. Even though I didn’t watch it while it was on, I still know things about it, so, since I have a big mouth, my husband has advised that I am not allowed to speak during the show and I’m not allowed to talk about it. He doesn’t know any spoilers, so when I saw Joffrey the first time and said “oh, he dies!” he got pretty pissed off. It didn’t matter that I followed it up with “but, like, I don’t know when… or how!!” Turns out I’m a life-ruiner. Joke’s on Jeff, though, because he asked me to marry him and then actually married me. 🤷🏻♀️🤣
I’m always watching something by myself too, especially since Jeff travels a lot for work. When I saw that there were new episodes for 13 Reasons Why for season 3 I had to think about whether or not I wanted to watch. This show is straight up heartbreaking and extremely stressful for me to watch. It really is a good thing they have all of the trigger warnings and the resources on the screen before and after each episode. This is one of those things that sort of feels like a train wreck, though, you know? Like, part of me feels like maybe it shouldn’t even exist because it is so triggering and I would hate for it to glamorize suicide, gun violence, drug use, sexual activity, etc, the list goes on and on. But, on the other hand, shouldn’t we talk about these things? Shouldn’t we show consequence and how to ask for help? I’m just really torn about it. At this point, I have to know what happens and unfortunately morbid curiosity usually wins out with me. Now when I watch it, though, I just hope and pray that my kid never feels like these kids do, and that if he were in trouble, I would hope he could/would talk to me about it, and it scares the crap out of me to know that no matter how “cool” I am or how great of a parent/child relationship we have, I’ll never know all that I want to about him and what’s going on with him. Dude, parenting is terrifying.
Reading:
I just finished Before We Were Yours a couple of weeks ago now. This was a book I never would have picked on my own but I fell so deeply in love with it and I was very sad when it was over. This was another book recommended to me by my mom, and now I think I might have to stop avoiding her recommendations. She’s been two for two this summer (this one and Where The Crawdads Sing from last month), and I guess maybe I can accept that I should listen to her. 😂 This one had me crying. It was absolutely heart-wrenching, and I was sickened and angry just thinking about how on earth this could even have been in the realm of possibility. What I didn’t know when I started this book is that Lisa Wingate is talking about a real person and the grim reality of child trafficking; while the story is set in the past, you can’t ignore that even though it may look a little different these days, child/human trafficking is a big fucking deal. The story is crazy compelling and keeps you guessing and hoping the entire way through. I can’t recommend it enough. It was a great book.
I just started this one. I had posted on Facebook as soon as I finished Before We Were Yours, asking for recommendations for a new book. Kristin Hannah came up a few of times, and Nightingale was recommended by name a couple of times, so I started there. I had never heard of Kristin Hannah as an author and had never heard of this book, but I saw that it’s apparently going to be made into a movie, so I was interested. I’m also very interested in the World War II Era, so I’m hoping I’ll enjoy this book. I am not far into it at all, so I’ll be sure to let you guys know what I think of it once I finish.
Listening:
If it’s by crime-related and by Wondery, I’ll listen to it. That’s basically what it comes down to for me. Wondery does a really good job producing their podcasts, and this one is no exception. This one came out a while ago, but I like to binge podcasts rather than wait around for episodes to be released, so I waited, like, all summer to start this one. I just finished episode 5, and I think there are only 7 episodes right now. I’ll be interested to see how they wrap this one up because the case is still in the works, basically. Remember the Golden State Killer? That grandpa-aged man from California who was arrested last year because some genealogy DNA test linked this dude to, like, a kajillion crimes across the state of California back in the 1970s-1980s? That’s the story in this podcast. It’s wild and, on more than one occasion, I have heard myself say, out loud, “what the fuck????” while listening to this while I push the baby in the stroller or drive in my car. Some people are just super fucked up, and I guess I’m glad that people like to tell stories about these things.
Making:
I am making myself keep going.
The things I’ve been letting myself quit lately have been my gratitude journaling and giving myself grace. For months, I had been on such a good rhythm of writing down the things I was grateful for that day before I went to bed. For some reason, I’ve just let myself off the hook with that one, and I kind of hate myself for it. It usually takes, like, 5-10 minutes and then it’s done, and I feel so good about the fact that I spent just a little bit of time reflecting on my day and finding the good, especially on those days that didn’t feel so good. Instead of beating myself up further about it, I’ve just decided that it is worth the five minutes to turn the light back on or use the flashlight from my phone to write it down. I don’t give myself the excuse that I’ll do it first thing in the morning, or it was just this time and I’ll be better tomorrow; I do it right then, when I remember, even if I was in the zone to go to sleep.
I’m still working on my own positive self-talk. I’m still working on not beating myself up for “small” things, like forgetting to do my gratitude journaling, or skipping my workout class because I was hungover, or having a bad run, or eating bad one day. I’m working on trying not to dwell on the self-disappointment if I have an emotional overreaction. I’m telling myself that I need to be kind in my mind to myself and that one bad day doesn’t make me bad. I’ve been trying to weigh the difference between feeling like I need to buzz and keep busy and go, go, go and taking the time to rest and relax, and figure out why I’m doing certain things. Do I want to order Thai food and eat a bunch of junk because I really want to or is it because I feel bad about myself and eat my feelings? Do I really need to get all this stuff done or is it because I’m avoiding sitting alone with my own thoughts? I guess I’ll probably always be a work in progress, and I guess that’s probably okay.
Feeling:
Tired. And itchy.
Sam hit that 9-month sleep regression two weeks ago and, I’ll be honest, it’s been kind of rough. We have been exceedingly blessed to have had a baby that started sleeping through the night at 4 months old, who puts himself to sleep for the most part, and pretty much naps like clockwork. Two weeks ago, he started standing up in his crib instead of going to sleep and crying. Gone are the days where we can do the bedtime bottle, a sweet little snuggle, give a kiss goodnight and say “night night, baby” as we lay him in his crib, close the door and leave, and have him roll over and go to sleep. Now, we do the bedtime bottle, a sweet little snuggle, the kiss goodnight with the “night night, baby” as we lay him down, close the door and leave, and then he crawls around, stands up and cries and we go upstairs anywhere between 2-10 times before he will tire himself out enough from crying to crash out. I’ll be truthful when I say that it has gotten much better over the last week or so, but it is still frustrating. I’ve read and heard that consistency is key, so we keep sticking to our plan of “emotionlessly” laying him back down and reinforcing that it’s bedtime or naptime, but he’s so damn cute that it’s hard to not smile or be cutesy to him when he smiles when I open up his door. Or sometimes I’m so irritated because I’ve run up the stairs 8 times already and OMG WHY CAN’T HE JUST TAKE A FREAKIN’ NAP ALREADY?!? that I feel bad that I’m irritated. Parenting, man. It’s something.
I’m itchy, guys. Still. I got poison ivy when we tubed down the river the second-to-last weekend of August. THE SECOND TO LAST WEEKEND OF AUGUST. That was literally forever ago. I went to the doctor two weeks ago. I’ve finished one round of prednisone. I have covered my body in calamine lotion, cortisone cream, and Benadryl anti-itch gel/spray for weeks. The good news is that no one else I was with or came into contact with has gotten it, but the bad news is that I’m still so, so itchy. My left leg for sure will be scarred from it because I can’t stop scratching. Both of my legs are bruised and scabbed and just generally disgusting because I scratch myself all the time. I scratch in my sleep. I keep telling Jeff that I really should have just duct taped ovenmits to my hands like they did in Friends when Phoebe got the chicken pox, or when Callie got them in Grey’s Anatomy, but it’s a little late for that now. I’m in denial about going back to the doctor for a steroid shot to get rid of it once and for all.
Planning:
We finally got our hotel booked for Chicago for next weekend. No time like the present, right? We are going to visit my brother and his girlfriend and we are going to be flying an airplane. For Jeff’s birthday this year, I got him a “flight experience” so that he can fly an airplane (and I’m going to watch). A couple years ago, I got him a “driving experience” where he got to drive a Ferrari or Porsche or whatever fast car it was on a racetrack and he had a blast. He’s tough to shop for because he just buys whatever he wants if there’s something that strikes his fancy and he’s pretty low-key about wanting stuff. He’s someone who I have found enjoys experiences and places more than “things” and that works just fine for us. He has talked about taking flying lessons before and then I found out we were having a baby and I got crazy paranoid that he was going to die so I told him he wasn’t allowed to fly an airplane and leave me all alone with a baby. I’m still pretty paranoid that he will die and leave all alone with a baby, but I’m also still trying to lean into The Year of Yes. I’m hoping that he will hate it and not want to fly an airplane ever again.
Loving:
Weight Watchers. I shared last week that I started doing WW in July, and I’m still going strong. I have found that this has been a really great program for me because I do really well within limits and boundaries. I’m inherently a rule follower and have a pretty competitive nature, so it has just enough structure to make it feel sort of like a game while still allowing me enough freedom that I don’t feel boxed in and like I can’t still live my life. I have lost over 20 pounds in the almost-two months I’ve been on-program and I still feel very motivated. I’m excited to keep going.
Did you come up with your own version of this month’s Currently…?
If so, comment below or tag me @glimpseofgrace on social media!
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